I need somebody to love
by Phoenix Hertz
Summary: I NEED SOMEBODY TO LOVE WHO WILL LOVE ME BACK HONESTLY AND WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION.
1. Chapter 1

**I need somebody to love**

**I got this idea when I was doing calculus. I know that's weird. Actually I was in it. Ok, my story is going to be a little sappy and dark so, warning this time. This is also very different story so cop. **

Summary: Ray is in love, lust or whateverit is with a tall and very handsome captain named Kai but thinks his feelings will never be return by Kai. One day he somehow managed to gathered courage to express his feeling to his adorn person but when he found him being screwed by another person, he had lost his all respect, love and everything's towards him. He found many things about him but the things breaking his heart are that the first love of his life that he used respect so much is nothing but a whore and also a patient of AIDS.

Capter-1

**The heartbreak**

I was both excited and nervous, today. I finally made my mind to tell him that I love him. I don't know what he is going to say. I don't know what he has done to me. The day when I first met him during local championship I had no doubt that he is strikingly handsome. But being myself I displayed to much attitude to everyone. Though I was proud of attitude and considered my attitude is the hottest, trust me my attitude is nothing in front of his cold attitude. I started to think he was nothing but a good looking wet blanket.

My other fiends also used to hate him. He not only had a bad ass attitude but also had a very suspicious nature. But we had to cooperate with him because he was our chosen team leader. Gradually I understood that he is not that but just a little indifferent. He is also caring and he manages our team quite nicely and dutifully. He was always handsome but I don't what he had done to me that I couldn't control my lead which intentionally or unintentionally go towards him. If I couldn't see him in few hours I just become too excited to see him or too exhausted to not able to see him. Naturally my hand creeps on him and he behave as if it is normal, maybe he is too naïve or just ignore it. I respect him because of his mighty personality.

I think I am in love with him. According to my friends it is not love but I don't believe it. He makes me feel special. If anyone will ask me how much I love him I would say if I had two heart I would give my other heart also to him. I know I love my Kai too much. But I am still scared of being rejected. I don't know what I will do if he reject me. Nothing very good happened to my life so don't expect anything good but still I have hope. I have always respected him and I hope he respect me back.

What's going on when I don't want to see him he would always drop from here and there in front of me and now when I am searching him this I couldn't find his single trace. That's bullshit. Ok, I think I am over reacting too much. But what I can do? I am both nervous and excited to tell him what I feel about him. Well, I know he has a strange habit of coming at the end moment in every occasion so; I am sure in the end I will defiantly find him. I sound weird, right? Well, yeah he makes me weird.

I asked many passers-by if he saw him anywhere today and finally someone reported that he was last found in alley way somewhere into the middle of the city. So, now I am heading towards the alley to find him. I wonder why he is back in an alley but he is a loner and likes to stay away from others, anyway. I was confident earlier but more I go near him the more my confidence level is going lower. I think he will give me a heart attack at the first sight.

Finally I found him. Everything around me just stops for a moment. My foot became heavy. A single word was not coming from my mouth. He really gave me a heart attack. He was there in the middle of that out casted lane being screwed by an overly grown up. He was moaning in the kiss while pulling the man's hair. I froze at the spot. After few minute of screwing each other they had a clue of presence of third person. Kai looked at me but he surely could not figure out who I was because he was completely in bliss.

Why? Why he have to do this? Why he has to damage al my respect and love towards? Many questions were making a headache but the main thing was that I was furious on myself for ever loving him. He was finally out of the bliss. He had a surprise look on his face but it was soon replaced by his usual indifferent self. "What are you doing here Kon?" His cold voice was giving a chill run down my spine. I gave his hand behind his head and started to walk away while the overly sized man grabs his hand and gave tug taking him between the wall and himself. I froze. "We haven't finished yet" the man said. Kai push him with his hands and walked away by saying "We'll finish it latter" in a simple tone. He walked pass me but I was still frozen as a stone. I could not make out anything. What can I make out; the person I love doesn't deserve my love? The person for whose and respect I thought I would die for is nothing but a slut. Kai left leaving me there musing on my thought. When in recover from my shock I started to walk back the dojo. There was lighting following rain drops. It was good .it hide my tears. What tears? I am shading tears for that slut? I rub my invisible tears from my face and vow myself to become strong. I will not ever cry for that whore. He doesn't deserve anyone's affection. I hate him.

**Hey, please review, bye.**


	2. Fainted Heart

I walked in the rain like almost forever. I couldn't concentrate on where I was going. Ok, I was furious on Kai or may be myself but I think I was reacting too much. I don't know why I was acting like a bitter whinny child. It was his life. He could do anything with it. I don't care if he was fucking with anything having two legs. I thought it would be better if I just tried to forget him or else it would ruin the upcoming tournament. I decided to keep it to myself.

Days were going on in regular basis. Training in morning, except the fact that we were the ones who practised, Kai being the captain, always ordered us. Tyson would often get furious on him. Previously, Kai would at least train with us but now he did nothing but order. Other than all those local competitions and the charity ones he never participated. He would just sit indifferently or vanish from our sight. Ok, I was not suspicious but I knew he was fooling around with someone during his absence in the team.

Kai didn't know what he had done to me. I really used to love him but not only for his frame but as a whole. I used to worship him, but I was blind, couldn't see the face behind the mask. I was mistaken. I had mistaken the cold hard stone idol with God of Love. It was my greatest mistake. What I had thought and what he really was?

Keeping his face in my heart I was walking on fire. Each and every time when he was in the arm of some different person I felt like a sharp knife stabbing through my heart. I wish he knew what he had done to me by his one act. Neither mirror nor sea, he broke a heart like a temple where he himself was the God. He tainted it. I thought if I would ignore him everything would be fine but I was really alone. Though I had my Friends around me but still I felt so deserted. I thought if I acted normal he could show me the way to the tournament by his tainted hands covered with dirt but I was trembling on my feet. When my base disagreed, I understood I couldn't live like this. I knew I couldn't co-operate with him. I thought I was turning into him; no I was not becoming a slut. I was just becoming a lone wolf like him.

This morning we started our training with few laps round our locality. Kai as always ordered us and kept standing to keep eye on us. After a few laps Tyson got tired and started whining about how hungry he was, and then got into a fight with Kai about it. After a few exchange of harsh words Tyson actually said something meaningful. He said it was not fair that we were the only ones who had to work hard, it didn't matter if Kai was the captain or not he had to join in too or else we would not listen to him. After Kai lost the argument he started to take laps with us, after two laps he declared that that was enough and then asked to head back to dojo and do some blading practise. Tyson and Max cheered up by hearing such an announcement that they didn't have to complete the rest of the laps and had to do some fun match.

We got back to dojo. Tyson and Max grabbed a bottle of water and gulped in the half of it. After a while Kai entered and he looked really tired. Come on, he only took two laps and he was acting like he ran the whole day.

"Kai, what happened? Got tired already? See what happens when you sit idly doing nothing. I assume you put on some weight" Tyson cracked a joke and threw the bottle filled with water towards him. But our eyes widened when the bottle flew towards a couple of Kendo sticks instead of Kai's hand, he stood there, without the easy catch. The sticks scattered with a cracking sound following by the loud scold from grandpa coming from his room while Kai slumped over it and started picking up the sticks and the bottle quite clumsily. He was acting as if he was having a problem with the sticks and was struggling through it. I took my step forward to help but somehow abstained from doing it, recalling the vow I made when I first came to his real self. I saw Tyson and Max running to help. I looked at them once and left the Dojo.


	3. Second chance

"Ray what happened?"

"What do you mean?" I was suddenly jolted by the unexpected words coming from Max, though he didn't seem to get much widened. He stared at me and proceeded.

"You are acting weird"

"What are you talking about Max?" I asked him in a simple tone.

"I mean you are acting like more of Kai"

I was not surprised that they were thinking I was actually acting like him. I knew I was keeping distance from them.

"Ray everything is okay right? You know that day you told me that you were going to propose Kai but after you came back you started acting like this, Is everything ok? I mean did he reject you? You look really lost...If he did reject then it's alright you will get someone better or we can try to convince him if you say, I don't think he will have the nerve to deny..."

Max tried to console me.

"Max it's okay. He didn't reject me in fact I didn't even propose him that day...actually I rejected myself"

"What are you talking about dude? You were so excited to say your feelings to him" Tyson said. He was just passing by us; well I guess he overheard our conversation, a little bit of worry signed in Tyson's face.

"Nothing happened, it's just I don't like seeing his face anymore"

"But I thought you really loved him" Max said nervously.

"No" I yelled "I hate him, I hate him you understand...I hate him"

I got on my feet and started to walk away from them when I felt a sudden tug on my arm.

"Ray listen, what happened? Did Kai do something wrong?" Tyson asked me, looking really furious.

"Yes he did, he did break my heart. He fucked with some other person and I felt my heart break into pieces which I was trying so hard to keep in place." A single tear rolled down from my eyes. Breath got caught in Tyson's throat.

"Ray...what did he actually do?" Tyson looked really nervous, which is hardly his style.

What was I going to say to them? Kai had done nothing to me. I was acting too much for something really personal. But what could I do? I was totally a virgin. I never kissed before. Any pervert thoughts with any random people doesn't come to my mind and I expected the same from Kai. Wait; that was really selfish and childish. It was his life and he could do anything with it.

"What is it Ray? Come on man! Tell us" Max asked again.

"He did nothing" I hid my face with strands.

...

There was no point of hiding it anymore, they were my friends, I finally decided to say everything.

...

"What are you talking about Ray? Kai is what? What was he doing?" Max exclaimed with an awe.

"I think I should bed him" Tyson smirked.

"What?" I asked, listening to such an unexpected answer coming from Tyson.

"I am talking about bedding him, you know fucking...Just fucking and not loving. You know he is hot and if he is so easily available then why not?"

"Stop it Tyson" Max scolded him.

"You don't have to listen to him Ray, I bet he is just kidding but hey you are acting like a child. It doesn't matter what he was doing, if you love him then you should at least say him that. I know he is destroying his life like that but you can bring him back, past is past, the thing which only matters now is the present and the future, you should see that Kai shouldn't do such a thing in future."

I listened to his words very carefully and yeah Max was right. I knew it myself that I was acting like a child and what! Max was the matured one? Yeah, Max was right. I shouldn't have sounded this selfish, I couldn't expect all from Kai. I had to accept and love the way he was. I thought of trying another time.


	4. slut as you are

I was pacing back and forth.

Back and Forth, 'back and forth'...yeah it was an easy work, nothing hard about it. So, I was pacing back and forth and was finding it really interesting.

'Back and forth', 'back and forth', 'Back and Forth'

"Ray will you stop pacing?" asked Tyson, gulping the half of the coke.

"Yeah you are making my head spin" complained Max.

They were sitting in the living room while I was pacing around. Well, I had no other option than to sit beside them since I had stopped the interesting job.

"I don't know man, I mean I want to try another time but I am nervous and really not sure about this idea"

Okay, I was really nervous.

"Come on Ray, just do it" cheered Max.

I took a long deep breath.

"Ok, I am going to tell him"

I started to approach his room (pretending to be very brave) and the best part is I found myself marching rather than walking, I found Tyson and Max marching after me in a perfect line! But things are supposed to go wrong when you are going to propose right?

And so the atmosphere of the parade gradually blew away along with my confidence level and that just had to happen in front of his door.

Great!

I stopped all of a sudden and Tyson and Max collapsed on me pushing me through the door.

Kai was doing something. I didn't have any idea what...but as we entered his room all of a sudden, he jolted and started to hide something with a hurry... actually more like clumsily. He was looking as if he just had a panic attack.

"What...what the hell are you doing here?" He was looking really shocked.

"Hey Kai" I stammered.

"What do you want?" Kai asked in a gloomy voice.

"Nothing...It'll be better if I just...go" I almost gave up. (Now I had a panic attack out of nervousness), so I was just going to turn out of the door when Tyson brought in some actions.

"Wait Ray, Kai; Ray wants to say that he loves you" Tyson declared.

"So do you love him back?" ok, why was Tyson acting like a Pope?

Kai was looking like a Callous.

"So do you love him?" Tyson asked again.

"Yeah, um..." he couldn't make a single word out of his mouth. But he said yeah right? He actually said yeah to me which meant that he loved me!

"What did you say?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"I.. um..." he was looking like he was in a deep thought and then he looked at Tyson and moved his head towards me and then again back to Tyson.

"It's okay Kai, I know you are a bit surprised but its okay, I am happy that you actually said yes to me" I didn't know what happened but the next thing I knew was that i was kissing him. He became surprised and parted his lips to my advance. I shoved my tongue into his mouth. He immediately reacted on this and pushed me away.

"What the hell were you doing?" he was looking furious.

"You said you love me back so I was kissing you" (Stupid me!)

"No I don't love you. I was a bit astonished so, I don't know what I said to you but I didn't mean it"

"What?"

"Yes, now leave me alone and fuck off"

"Wait Kai, Ray really loves you and he means it. You should give him a chance and I am sure that he will be the best lover you've ever got" Max tried to convince him. "His love is genuine. You are his first love. Don't break his heart. Please at least give him a chance". Max was actually begging him for me, but why? He was not worth to be begged.

"That's enough Max. Why are you begging him? I don't need a chance, I gave him a chance and he ruined it. And he already broke my heart when I saw him fucking with that man. He doesn't need to be begged Just pay him Max and he will give you a good quick fuck to anything like a very good whore as he is"

Did i say that? Oh my god! I actually said that! Fuck! It sucks. When I had said that once I couldn't afford to lose that fight. I had to win. I deserved to win. How dare he broke my heart. I saw his sad face but who cares?

"Say kai, how much do you charge for one night? 200, 300...? His eyes widened.

"Wha...What are you..."

"Come on, don't give me shit. I am waiting"

His eyes were reddening.

"Don't give me that look, Damn it say it whore" A tear rolled down his face.

'Oh no no no, don't act like the little virgin is shocked. I know that you are nothing but a slut!" I had no control on my own. I did not know what happened and why i was telling all this. I vowed myself not to bring this topic but it came. Max was already in tear , poor Max and Tyson was dumb founded.

Kai closed his eyes for a second. "Yes Ray, I am a whore" he started calmly. "And I am not a virgin" he yelled all of a sudden. And do you want to know my cost for one night? His breathings were sharp "You will never be able to afford it, It is much more costly than you can imagi...cough...cough"

He started coughing vigorously. It seemed like he couldn't breath while he kneeled down and finally blacked out.

Oh no! Again I was pacing. God; why couldn't I sit quietly. Wait how could I sit quietly? I was the one who was shouting at him and at last he lost his temper and shouted back at me and the worst thing was that he lost his consciousness which caused everyone to look at me as the culprit. It was not that I was fairly innocent. I was the reason that he became so much hyper. I thought he got a high B.P. I had to admit that I was nervous. Mr Dickenson was still talking to Doctors about Kai. After a few minutes he came back to us. His face was looking extremely pale and he was trembling slightly, that frightened me.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter -5

**Karma**

I was in the passenger seat of the taxi which Mr. Dickenson boarded us for. Occasionally I was looking at the mirror view to see what the rest of my team was doing. I saw Kai us looking at the pouring rain outside the window blankly as if nothing had happened and I saw Tyson was sitting beside the other window as far as possible from kai. Max was sitting beside Tyson. No, he was actually sitting on him. They were shooting glances towards kai occasionally. I sighed. I expected that kind of behavior but not this much. Sometime educated person acts like an illiterate [ironical]. But I knew most of the people would to do this type of behavior after hearing something like that. At first I did to.

**Flash back**

'Mr. Dickenson your worried face making us worried. Please tell us what happen to him. He is staying with us. We have total right to know what is going on with him. You see we also care for him' Tyson said and max nodded to show agreement. I was standing looking at him. I didn't know what to do more than to wish that kai is ok.

'He, well he is um…..HIV positive'.' There was a pregnant pause. I could not take that silence any more. 'Wh...What?'

'No, no it is not that serious. Well, he is in middle state. Doctor said if he is provided with proper treatment then we can save him and don't you worry he will be perfectly fine.'

**End of flash back**

After half an hour kai was back in consciousness. When he came out of the ward every one of us took back a few steps including me. I was mad at him. Yes why would not I be angry with? This is his entire fault. He slept with I don't know how many people. I knew he is sick and I should behave nicely with him but I just could not do that. I didn't have any courage to work nicely with my broken fragments of heart, so I took my steps backward and left his sight as soon as possible but I didn't know why Tyson and max took their steps back ward as I did.

It was night time. We could not prepare food so grandpa ordered sushi, yeah delicious. We all gathered around the table with excitement. You know we are really animals without manners. We just pick sushi's form that large container which is provided from the shop [AN- I know very less about sushi] by chops sticks and eat. We never bother to use plate but that day I saw Tyson brought a plate and put sushi on it. When did he become so disciplined? But then I saw he passed the plate in front of kai. After few minutes of awkward silence kai left the place. I didn't know what happen to him but I got my answer when grandpa asked Tyson why he did that and Tyson replied that he is sick and he can't eat with him. Grandpa said this sickness doesn't spread by eating and sitting together but Tyson was too stupid and stubborn to understand that. I knew kai understood Tyson's problem. I was not sitting beside kai or talking to him because I was mad on him but what Tyson and other was doing was ridiculous. That night I thought to comfort him but I didn't. I just wished next day will be a better day.

'Ray wake up' max was calling me. Damn you max. It's too early.

'Yeah, I am awake, what is it?' I comb my finger through my unruly hair.

Max through me some news paper 'look through this.' I did what he said. I was shocked. How could this happen? One of the hottest topics in news paper was Kai's health condition. How did it gone in media? May be someone had heard our conversation about Kai in hospital. I think even walls have their own ears I jumped out of my bed and went in living room to find Tyson in front of TV. The head line above the screen was 'HIV POSSITIVE, FAMOUS BLADER KAI'. I was so busy to watch Tyson land on sofa with a shocked expression that I missed to hear the rest of the babbling of the lady on the screen. I turned my head to find kai was standing at the door of the living room with legs crossed, hand folded on his chest and head rested on the door frame. His face held no emotion at all. I turned to look at screen again.

A week passed after that. I could see the changes in all. Everyone was continuously poking their nose in our matter but the worst part of all that they were acting in a way as if touching kai may spread his disease. Recently every member of our team became untouchable to the rest of the world because we were living under the same roof with a HIV positive person. I never thought this would go this far. Every person say that they are educated civilized in their society but the actual thing is the narrowness of mind and culture are still hanging on. I never talked to him after he rejected me on my face but the rest of our team was doing an inhuman behavior towards him. Kenny started to meet us lesser than usual. Kai was never his favorite so now a day he never bothers at his look at his face. Tyson was becoming more and more frustrated by pressure created by our nosy and typically orthodox fans and constant babbling of media. He looked down upon kai as if he was an insect. A very dangerous disease causing insect. The most heart breaking part was that the always cheering person max started to look gloomy in front of kai and never failed to throw an insult toward him when it is needed. Though I hated to admit it that we all were only thinking about our own reputation and its consequences but no one was thinking about the person who was actually going through his personal hell. The sum of a person's action in one of his successive states of existence doesn't go in vein. Kai got the result of his karma hand in hand and I know we will also receive our sum of action sooner or later. I just wish it won't be that bad.

**Ok it was a short chapter. I am just disappointed because of the lack of reviews. I am new in this and this is the first fic I am actually continuing. I am thankful for the review I got but with this less no of reviews I think I can't continue this fic. **


	6. Chapter 6

**People are right.**

People are right. We can tolerate thousands lie but when a truth approach us unexpectedly it seems sin to us. That's what happened me. Kai used to lie to us. No actually he never lied to us. He never told us anything, not true neither lie. But I came face to face with his secret. Previously he was my dream. He was like blowing breeze. Yeah, just in one second he would get vanish from our sight. Then only the memory was left. Never thought our life would take this turn. Once he was the root of our tree of fame. Yeah, he used act as a stubborn badass captain. Train us to the bone but in time he actually stood for us. He made us jewel in this world. I finally realized we were jewel but he was the thread. He was falling apart and that's the reason our whole team was falling apart. I tried hard enough to hold it but I was not kai and will never be. How the days are passing by was beyond my explanation. Unexpected thing was Tyson, who used to hate Mingming started to fall for her. Ok I heard before about hate turns in to love but never thought it will happen with Tyson and Mingming, that empty headed bimbo. Ok at least Tyson was happy. His hate turned unto love unlike mine. But still I wondered will Kenny spare Tyson for stealing his little over makeup pop star? Tyson was going to ask her out. I hope everything would be fine but I don't know why I keep hoping. It's not that my hope was coming true.

It was night time. Tyson and max were stuck up with T.V. Grand pa and I was preparing dinner. In the mean while kai entered the kitchen. I didn't give much care. I thought that he must have been come for water or something. But he did nothing. He just stood there uneasily.

"Hey k-man what happen? Do you want something?" it was grand pa.

Kai shook his head vigorously "oh no, no. I don't want anything. Well, I was just um….. I um…may I help you with something." He smiled cutely. Oh no again I had started to admire him.

"Kai, it is ok. You can leave this to us. You go take rest. Remember what did doctor said. You need lots and lots of rest." Kai pouted a little and then turn on his heel to go towards his room.

"Ok fine you can help me." Grand pa sighed. Kai excitedly approach the counter. Yeah grandpa was only one in this house who actually acts in front of kai decently. Gramps was much more intelligent and experience than every one of us and he knew who deserve what?

"Peel this potato off but be careful. You will be right?" he asked politely.

Kai shook his head vigorously "yes I will." Did I ever tell you that kai is way too much cute? I guess I did. Ok he started to help us. I heard phone was ringing and gramps rushed to receive it. Yeah he left me alone with kai. It was awkward. I couldn't take the awkwardness anymore so I left for bathroom. I splashed the water into my face and looked to mirror to see I was laughing at me and all the memory of pass this days rushed through me in a quick flash back. I shook my splashed water again in my face to quit the day dreaming. It was much relief then I heard gramps was still yelling and laughing in his own yeo style in phone. It was time to get back to work. I passed through the hall trying not to hear grandpa's nonsense. When I was near the kitchen I heard something else. Kai was humming himself some lullaby I guess while working in the kitchen. I don't know why my leg stated to feel too much heavy. I was kept standing by some mysterious power on the doorstep. It was like I got lost.

"He sings sweet right?" grandpa yelled form my back grinning madly. What the hell is wrong with him? Kai looked at me. Cover it. Cover it fart. "I just came now only." I whined. Grand pa patted my head in response and went to kai.

"So you peeled all the potatoes off." Kai nodded. "Then will you please cut them into halves also."

"Yeah, I will do it?"

"Good then." Grandpa smiled and kai started his work.

After good ten minutes Tyson came in kitchen whinnying that he will die of hunger and spotted kai working. "Hey what the hell is he doing here." kai ignore him.

"Hey I am talking to you. We don't need you. Why can't you let us be." Kai ignore him again.

"Tyson get out of here." grandpa said stoutly.

"No grand pa you don't know him. He is trying different things to diseased us like he is." ''Tyson that's enough" grandpa shouted. "How? As because we are letting him stay with us people are looking down upon us as if we are sick. We are tolerating this but why can't he just keep his stupid problem and disease to himself and die in some corner of his room to let us to live in peace."

**Slap. **Grandpa was looking really mad. I hear a hiss following by the slap and saw kai was holding his finger tightly and blood dripping from it was staining the vegetables. Tyson looked at kai in very hatefully eyes still holding his bruised cheek. He was really mad. He ignore grandpa's stare and rushed toward kai, pushed him violently and shoved the vegetables with one hand from the counter including knives and other things madly. I closed my eyes tightly. I know Tyson in mad but never thought of this reaction.

**Ok there was nothing so important in this chapter but each and every chapter has it individual importance. I am actually running out of idea. I don't want to leave this story. Please help me with ideas. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Kites**

**Hey gals I know many of you are thinking that I am being so mean to kai but I am not actually being mean. The characters of the story are mean and I am also mad at them. More over I also believe that no one deserve to be ill but the character here is too much naïve so it is their point of view. But I belong to a very conservative society in India and we are kind of forced to believe that having sex other than their respective mates is a sin. If the effect of this kind of thing is bad like having any STD then people always mock around and say god punish them for their deed. Our society never accepts love child which they called bastard. I am against this. I kind of believe every person are free to do anything but yet I am not only virgin but also turned down my every date. Yeah, virginity is a very big issue here. Every person expects to have their life partner very pure but is it really possible always? No, it is not. So I am writing this story for the person who is not so pure yet deserves a person who will love back them without any expectation. Yeah, I already wrote it in the summary. **

"Grandpa slaps me for that whore?" I heard Tyson was yelling from his room.

"Calm down Tyson." That was max

"No how can I calm down. I said him thousand times to stay away from us. I don't want to be sick. But he never listens." I don't know when Tyson will understand disease doesn't spread like this. I entered his room.

"Tyson, you were the most caring one most then why are you treating kai like this. Tell me Tyson the thing you are telling is word?" I asked him.

"Yeah ray those were my words. I was caring but I am frustrated now. People think that we will also be sick because he is living with us and Mingming was right. We should send him back to the place he came from."

"So, that was Mingming. Isn't it?" yeah guessed that "Tyson she is wash your brain out. You can't behave like this with kai because of that empty headed pop star bimbo. She don't use her brain in anything other than makeup"

"Ray she can be a empty headed and bimbo but she is not a slut like your choice." I didn't know what to say then I head grandpa was asking for the medical kit. Yeah I forgot I was going to retrieve medical kit. Blood was not stopping at all from Kai's finger. It was not clotting may be because of his illness. I ignore Tyson and max and went to bathroom.

"Hey hold it tight boy" grandpa said while wrapping a cloth Kai's finger. His finger was still bleeding but it is reduced to some extent. May be he don't have any blood remain in his body. Well, yah I know it is impossible. May be the blood is finally begin to clot.

"Ray-man helps me with first aid hear." I started to help grandpa but someone was in the door so he left me again with the person whom I really want to avoid.

Every time I thought I will not have any interaction with you. I will turn you down and will not watch your back any further but it is not possible. Why can't you understand there is a deep hole in my heart which is also created by you? I wish you could understand how I feel. At lest you try and keep some distance from me so that I won't be hyper like this. Yeah right now my heart is racing. I know you can't see my hyper condition from out but trust me I am in pain because you are in pain. I tried to avoid you. So many times I thought I left you behind but every time you create intentionally or unintentionally some event which tug me towards him. You don't even know you make me dance on your finger.

Your finger finally stopped bleeding. I didn't want to look at your eyes but I could feel your eyes were on me. I was angry. I was really angry on you to make me feel this week. I wanted to curse you. I really wanted to say don't you dare to treat me like kites and if you do that your soft finger will cut again with the string are playing. But whom was I kidding I knew you are controlling me and I can't do anything about it.

I was about to leave when I heard grand pa was calling me which made my moves more easy. I saw grand pa was talking to Ms Dickenson.

"Ray, my boy comes here." He called me.

He gave me an invitation card where 'To Bladeblakers' [sorry I don't know how it spells]. It is for the party from BBA on it anniversary. It is on fifth October. I looked at the elder "I think we can't come. You know kai is in this condition and people are behaving like this. I think it will be better if we don't come.

"You are coming boy especially kai is coming. We needed to sort out some differences." I didn't argue anymore.

After Ms Dickenson left I went in my room. I opened my bed side drawer to find a platinum chain with a small phoenix on it. Yes I bought it saving my money for kai. I thought I would give it to him on his birth day. Then in that state of condition I could not make out if it will be ok to present him or not. His birth day is on 6th October and that is the next day of BBA anniversary. I put the chain back and turn off the light.

**Well I know it was a boring chapter but I promise next chapter will be great with party, drunkenness and other things. Bye.**


	8. Chapter 8

**My sub conscious mind**

**Finally I am typing this. I am really busy with my friends and family in these days because it is the months of autumn and that means seasons of festival in my city, Calcutta, the city of joy. More over my cousin is really pain in ass. Actually you can say he made locket of my computer and always say me to go in any mental asylum because he thinks mad person write fanfictions. Any way here is my next chapter**

The moment I entered the party I was welcomed with loud music. It had worsened my headache. Tyson ran toward his girlfriend and she also ran toward him in slow motion. Our sweat dropped. How dramatic! I saw kai stood behind me awkwardly and max was beside me. He was looking cheerful as always. Hillary got a date today and Kenny catch flu so, they are not with us. I was missing them. Kai was also trying to make excuses about his health but Ms Dickson personally invited him. Actually he forced him to come so there he was standing behind me like a lost pup.

"Hey max, ray nice to meet you." Mingming said too sweetly and trust me I wanted to gag. Then she pretends that she saw kai and said "oh, kai I am so sorry to hear all those things but I wished you were not in this party." There she goes. "I mean I am concern about your health and not about our health." She smiled stupidly "but you should know the truth that most of the people don't like a sick person."

She thinks herself very clever. I just wanted to kill her. "I am totally concern about that and I am fine now I guess." Kai said coldly. Mingming moved towards Tyson and whisper quite loudly "why is he here? I said you to say him that he should find another place to stay yet he is staying with you. Moreover he came today in this party. You know I don't want to have this disease right?" I knew it she was the one who was washing his little brain out. How stupid is she?

"Baby I wanted to do that but you know my grandpa. Kai is his favorite. May be he is also pleasuring him." Mingming made a disgusted face. I was really furious knowing that Tyson thinks like that. Kai left us. I was quite sure that kai heard their so called whisper.

I went further into the crowd. They were all dancing. I know the association arranged wine for only adults but it got mixed as always and I could see many under age were drunk. I didn't know what to do so I was studying every one. Mingming was dancing on Tyson lap. Max was giggling with his friends. I mean with especially Mariam. Suddenly I felt someone was tapping my shoulder. I turned to find lee and Mariah and Mariah was looking drunk. "Hey, guys."

"Oh h-halo ray. You know what? I am very happy ask why?"

"Why?" I asked smiling and Lee sweat dropped."

"Elder arranged our marriage." I got tensed.

"Our means ours?" I showed her and myself. She giggled "no stupid I mean lee and me." I sighed of relief. I felt lee punched me playfully. I smiled hugely "you are so lucky man." Lee rolled his eyes at my comment.

Mariah drags me and lee on floor. I saw kai fur in the bar corner while dancing. He was drinking. I know it was not good but I didn't try to stop it. After few time I saw Tala joint him too. They were talking about something. I didn't give that much importance so I was again dancing on beets. I got so involved in dancing that I didn't see when kai and Tala came in front of me. "You want something" I asked but Tala just kept on blushing.

"Coooooooome on just say it already." Yeah, kai was drunk already. "Listen. My brother here has fallen in love with you and he really loves you." I was stunt by his word. He knows very well that I love him and he was talking about Tala with me? I didn't know what to say so I kept quite. Again kai started babbling." "Ray, Tala is very good. Better that anyone else and he is not a slut also. You know what? He is totally virgin like you expect. So you can be with him. Any way I need another drink. Have a nice dance." He left me with Tala. Those words of his were like knife stab on my heart. I cannot help but feel myself selfish. I didn't know what to do in that condition so I let Tala to led me.

"So um….well he was drunk but what he said is absolutely right." I smile nervously. "So want to dance with me." I found no harm in that so I nodded. He held my hand and start dancing. I am kind of feeling girl myself. Tala was a nice dancer and my rhythm was also matching with him. I got lost in dance. After like hours I found kai was staring at me it. He was looking beyond drunk he pass trough crowd and came in front of me. "Hey kai are you alright." Tala asked him. Then he ignores us and passed us also. I saw he was reaching to a group of people who gives creep out of me. Tala tugs his hand "hey where are you going?"

"Um…to dance with, you know um…what his name is?" he pointed to a large guy in that creepy group.

"NO you are not going anywhere. Kai they are not good. They…" Tala thought for a second and said. "They tread people like you know chewing gum. They first uncover, then chew and then through them away."

Kai shake his finger in a negative sign "don't worry. I will be fine. As if they can do anything to me and more over I was already uncovered, chewed and thrown. I am used several times so I don't care at all. He walked towards them in wobbly left. His words again stabbed me.

I could not make out what they were saying but I could see they already became very intimate which I didn't like. Kai grab the fancy tie or you can rather say lace of the huge man whom he mentioned before and pulled him in the middle of the floor and started swinging his body with the music. Every time he was moving he was touch with other people. I have to say the people who were surrounding kai were more intelligent than Tyson and types of people because they were more than egger to stay beside him. Anyway which intelligent person would deny as a delicate piece of art. Yeah, he was absolutely perfect. The way he was raising his head to show that long bare neck glistening with forming sweat was too much to handle. When he was moving in a good swing and the momentum raising his short black shirt to show his waist my head was buzzing like electron in some static marvel statue. I was suddenly feeling very hot. I also found many guys and gals was eyeing him yet having good distance from him. He is like testy mushroom for lost and hungry traveler in a forest. Who want to have it yet could not think it may be poisonous. But that creepy group didn't care at all. The leader was already trying to fit kai to his body like a puzzle game and seeing how much sexy kai is, the rest of the group also joints them. Everyone was ravaging him. I was feeling my blood boiling. One of the guys opens his shirt with one swift tug from back. It was enough. He looked into my eyes. His eyes were hollow which scared me from the very base. It moved me to bring him back. But I was stopped in the way. Then I realized I almost forgot about my current date, Tala.

"Where are you going?"He asked.

"Kai, they are behaving very badly with him."

"Kai can control them and any way it is not anything new to him."

I looked at kai. He smiled at me but I was not relaxed with it because his eyes were still hallow and unfocused and I could not do anything. Tala was interrupting me so I turn my attention to him.

"He is your friend. In fact you said once that you are likes brother so why not you are worried about him?"

"Trust me he has done this type of thing before also. You can say he is the principal of the school of sex."

"Don't talks like this?"

"No I am right. Do you know where have I met him first?" I looked at him in a question manner."

"I have first met him in a strip club." I was running short of words. "Yeah, when I ran away from my house I worked as a bartender in per time but kai was a stripper. This type of thing is nothing to him and why are you busy with him when I am standing in front of you" be breathed in my ears "you are beautiful." He licked the shell of my ears. A shiver ran down my spine.

"Tala I am not in a mo…."he covered my mouth with his palm. God I hated that.

"Don't say anything just listens. I can realize very well that you have feelings for kai but he is not good for you. I don't want to be rude but it is true that he is not a material to love or to be loved. Yeah if you want to have him for one night then it is another thing but a person like you expect too much. He will only break your heart." Tala hand was still on my mouth. His words were harsh. I tried to gulp every single word of his but his every sentence brought back my every buried bad memories of kai and I didn't remember when my eyes felt moistened.

Tala removed his hand and looked into my eyes. He rubbed my check with his thumb. "Don't cry. I know it is hard but accept it and look around you will find more deserving person to love you.

Was he mad or something? He was saying all this as if I was shopping for my lover. I looked at him in disbelief.

He hesitated first. But then "I love you" he said seriously and then kissed me out of blue. More tears leaked out from my eyes. I didn't know it is of anger or shame but I know I didn't enjoy it at all like I enjoyed when I kissed kai. The memory of the past flashed though my head that I force a kiss on kai. I unexpectedly moan in the kiss. Tala pulls from me with a victory smile. "There you are. You also enjoy me ne." how could I say it was not for him it was for kai. I didn't know why I looked into kais direction. There was kai standing between the molestation looking at me with more focus in his eyes. It seemed that he apparent to be present in the arms of those boys yet he was absent. He was totally detached from the surroundings like me. Suddenly every one became unnoticed. It seemed that I and kai was only present there and looking each other into eyes with unspeakable questions and answer yet apart from my sub conscious mind I was concern that here I was struggling with Tala and there kai was being molested by a group of six people.

**Sorry for the delay. I changed the past and I have to in this story because no grandson of an extremely rich person would stick so low anyway here is no Voltaire and his rich pampered ass. Hope you like it but you know I really deserve reviews. Bye.**

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	9. Chapter 9

**A rainy birthday.**

**Sorry for the mistakes in the previous chapter actually I was in rush. Didn't get to edit my chapter and I think it may continue because I get very little time for my upcoming test anyway I am also not any literature student. My subjects are only physics, chemistry and math. **

It seemed like an hour for me to come in my sense. Tala was still forcing himself on me. Damn why could not he understand I don't feel for him. I had enough. I decided to stand for myself. I pushed Tala forcibly. Now I don't care about the scene create.

"Stop that Tala." He was shocked.

"WH…what happen? Have I done anything wrong?"

"Yes you have and why are you acting so innocent?" he looked at me to say some more.

"Did I say I love you too then why are you forcing yourself on me?"

"You didn't say anything before and you also seemed to be enjoying it."

"No I didn't."

"But you were moaning when….."

"And I wasn't moaning for you so I want to keep it clear to you that I have not said yes to you so you better keep distance of me." I said him enough and was turning on my heel then I felt another tug on my wrist.

"I am not going to say anything to you but keep remember a warning the person for whom you are rejecting me is not made for you. You will only get hurt."

I turn around to face him "he is not any person to you. Once you called him a brother and anyway I know what our destiny is so I have no hope." I said coldly and went toward the direction where kai was still being molested by six grownups.

Kai was in even bad condition. His hair was messy. He is without shirt and his pant was hanging at the very lower portion of his weakly. He became unfocused. It seemed as he was not responding even felting any touches, kisses, scratches and bites. His movement was not graceful any more it was rather a messy on. Often he was holding his head. He was moving and balancing as if he was getting head spins. I moved toward him faster and pulled one of the guys off him and grab kai by wrist and shoulder."Let's go home kai. You are not well."

"Mn" he responded and held my shirt tightly.

"Hey, we are not finished yet." One of the guys said.

"But our job is finished."

They didn't make any further scene create thinking of their reputation so I carried almost limp form of kai to the exit. It was too early to leave the party. I looked at my watch to find it was only seven in evening (7 pm is still evening in India so I wrote this) and my teammates would be at party the whole night so I didn't disturbed them and left in taxi. When I had reached home Kai was already as sleep. I smiled at him. I few hour left for him to become adult finally but my own thought upset me because I know he already stepped into adulthood before his age.

The driver opened the door for us. I picked kai up in my arm toward front. Grandpa saw us and came running. He had been very worried since he heard that kai had aids though it is not even near the terminal stage.

"What happened?" I could see cold sweat forming on his brow.

"Um… nothing. He is fine." I reassure him. "He got drunk and fall asleep." Grandpa sighed in relief and took kai in his arm. It didn't surprise me. Though kai was almost eighteen he was very skinny and even growing lighter day by day because of his blood cuddling disease. On the other hand grandpa was still stout and I thought he was even stronger than me because of his daily kendo practice. Grandpa went to keep kai in his room so I flip though some TV channel and finally fell asleep on couch.

When I woke up it was three in morning and Tyson and max are back in their room. It was still dark outside so I decided to go to jog after few hour. I kept pacing in the room for half an hour and washed and readied myself for next half an hour. Then I was wondering why there is not a single trace of light outside and I got my answer when I heard a loud roar of thunder following by the sound of raining. It started to rain like cats and dogs. Musky scent of wet mud filled my nostrils. Though I love the smell of rain I hate the damn bloody wet weather. I opened my drawer and took out the platinum chain in my hand. I smile unconsciously and I felt my feet was going towards kais room on its own though I knew very well that kai is not going to be up then.

When I opened the door I see there is no kai. Then I heart sound of throwing up. I knocked in the bathroom door. "Are you alright kai?" I got the sound of flush in reply. After a few second kai opened the door. He kept his head on the frame of the door. He was looking devastated. I moved to hold him and help him in the bed but he refused. He said he wanted to have showered so I left him and went to kitchen to make him some food and lemon water which help in the hangover. By the time I returned I found him already dressed in a fresh pair of pajama and a shirt in the balcony [AN-I don't know if there were any balcony or not but I can't help but add a balcony.]

"You should come inside you know it's raining heavily. You may catch cold." He kept silent.

"Is something bothering you." He nodded in negative.

I stood there silently for a few second then I heard his voice which made a shiver ran down my spine

"Everything" he breathed.

"Kai…..I know you are disturbed about the thing you are facing and I know the way Tyson and other are…"

He stopped me "it is natural. They are human. Though they want to prove themselves invincible they are fragile from heart which can be scared easily. Every human being scared of at least anything but everyone is scared of one thing and that is dead so they avoid me because to them I am a straight VIP ticket to hell." This time he faced me. I was aware that he used hell instead of heaven. Then he smiled at me. I could not figure out it was real or plastic but it still warmed my heart. I took out the chain I brought for him.

"Kai um…. I bought this for you for your birthday." He smiled again.

"So I see you do remember ha." How can I forget his birthday?

"It is just a chain with a phoenix locket in it. I thought it was beautiful when I bought it." I did not why but it was a bit awkward. As if I was talking to a stranger.

"You do? I also think so. Then… why don't you put it on me." He turned on his heel so now he is facing rain and I was facing his back. Blood rushed in my face but I went to put the chain on him. I knew he could feel my breath on him. I was so caught in his naked pale flesh of his neck that I was going to kiss it but he interrupts me.

"Clouds loosen its weight, you don't think so…."

"Um…. Yeah I guess…?" He ignored me. It was like he could not hear me.

"Rain says, "Need him who searches for me."" Ok why do kai cannot say anything kai straight. But I got what he wanted to say through his eyes when he looked at me. That look I saw a few hours ago in Tala's eyes. Which was filled with lust?

I didn't know why I backed away and he took a step forward.

"Ray, you care for me right?" He tilled his head like a mad man.

There is no need to be afraid but I can't help but take a few steps backward then gave a slight nod And immediately I also found him facing me right in front of my face. There was only an inch left between us.

"Then why would I care about world." Insanity was clear in his eyes. His warm breath was falling on lips. Cold sweat formed on my brows.

"You should not….." he put his finger on my lip and moved further close leaning his knee along the wall between my legs.

"Shh…don't say anything just feels" he learned on my parted lips and unconsciously I returned the kiss with a moan and bite slightly his lower lip with all my feelings.

**I may update my next chapter a little late because of my exam. I don't want to fail and read with my juniors next year but please make me happy with reviews.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A bloody birthday**

I was in heaven. Wow really I never thought I could feel this. It was like something I cannot describe. It was much better than our kiss in which I was the one to participate only. I started to kiss him back more passionately. Absolutely hungrily you can say. So many things started to wonder in my head. A total film of flash back played in my head. Kai's approach towards me, Tala's proposal, Kai being a striper in a club where Tala was a per time bartender, Kai's ill health, news of AIDS, drama created by media, behavior of worlds toward us and especially towards kai and that day also came in my mind when first time I discover what he is, When all of my hope came crashing, When I lost all of my respect towards him. When I was left in that alley way with thousand pieces of my heart. When I had started to hate him.

All those thought clouded my mind and I pushed him with such great force that he trembled on his feet then fell on the concrete floor. He looked surprise then he was again back on his feet.

"I …..Am...Sorry. I cannot do this kai."

Why? Why you can't?

I remained quite.

"What happen? You used to love me then? Why are you running away from me? **Why? **

"Kai I used to love you but …."

"But you don't love me now right? How can't you love me now? How can someone change their mind so easily when then get some better offer? As because Tala proposedyou …"

"Stop it kai. That was in your mind. You were jealous of Tala. Am I right? That is the reason you kissed me**. Darn it kai I hate you.** And I didn't accept his proposal. All the time I was only worried about you because you were fooling around with some pervert. Yeah we are human and human change their mind like you change the partner in your bed. Anyway like you said before human are fragile. Everyone is scared of death and like everyone I am also scared of death. I can never be with you. I already accept it now you also accept it."I wish I was silence but I said it. Now what can do more?

He remained silent then he spoke in a clam voice. "But I am also human I also don't want to die." It broke my heart. I was only thinking how everyone was disgusted, what I was feeling but never thought about how he was feeling. How he was tolerating all this. How much scared and lonely he was that he cannot bring himself to express it. But it cannot be changed. Sooner or letter he will die. There is no doubt in that. He should face reality. Though how much lonely he is he cannot take other with him to die as well. There is no intelligence in that.

"I understand but there is no way out. Just face it you have to die . If I be with you then I am also finished and trust me I don't trust you in that at all. You like it or not being with you is a suicide so leave me alone." I said all those harsh word. I could not look at his hurt full face. I kept my face covered with my strands but I still could not hold myself strong enough. A single tear rolled down from my left eye.

"Please don't leave me alone any more. I cannot tolerate any more. I am broken. I am defected. Please very recently I have thought about starting my life again. I have lost in your love. Don't leave me please. He stated crying on his knee and I left him in cold blood. I am sorry. I am not strong enough to have you.

"But I am a human too. I also desired to be with someone who loves me of my own." I close my ears with my hand and ran away from there so that I didn't have to hear those heartbreaking words anymore.

Finally there as a trace of light outside but still it was raining. Tyson snoring was overpowering the sound of the pouring of rain. I was getting worried. Kai never came outside so I decided to take a look at. When I went in his room again I found him in the same place when I left him.

"Come on kai now stop being stubborn you will catch cold." He lifted himself up slowly and went towards the door completely ignoring me. He held the door handle and put the locket I gave him on a table just beside door and said "when I will no more will come then but it will be late." A cold chill ran down my spine. What is he talking about? May be he took my word really seriously but he is not going to die. I said this because I know there is no cure of this disease but he is in middle stage. Kai walked in the living room where there Tyson, max and grandpa sitting in front of TV. When grandpa saw him he called him to sit beside him. Tyson stood up "I think I should have a walk. Are you coming with me max?" "But it is raining outside." Max whined "so I don't care. We are walking in rain." Max lost the battle "fine lets go." I could see the hurt face of kai.

Grandpa smiled at kai and called him again. He hesitantly went to him.

"You want to say something." Kai clutched the cloth on his knee and nodded negatively. "Then…." Kai remained silent again. "Ok you don't have to say anything. Here I got you something." Then he looked at me "Ray can you bring me the box on my table." I brought that.

"Here, happy birthday kai." He smiled. "thanks." Kai opened the wrapping and there was a valuable watch. He wore it on his wrist. No one spoke anything and the sound of the tickling of the new watch filled the room. "Thanks but don't you think giving watch to a dying person is to say him count your last moment on the earth."

"Oh I didn't think that much when I bought it. Sorry. I just liked it when I was passing by a shop so I bought it."

"No its ok. I like it. I was just kidding." He laughed nervously.

Rest of the day went smoothly. Grandpa said Tyson it is his problem if he want anything to do with kai or not and he didn't have to give kai any respect but if he respect grandpa a little bit then he will keep kai happy in his birthday. I was very happy. Tyson was behaving like the old Tyson, max became cheerful again. I eat dinner together. All were Kai's favorite food. Kai actually smiled after so many day. It was like a dream. I don't want to wake up from this but I know it will break. Again reality will hit us tomorrow but now I want to enjoy the day which we left behind. Where there is no detachment, no privacy, no awkwardness and night fell and the day finish. I was little sad that kai gave back my present but anyway I deserve it. I went to his room to check that he took medicine or not and found him nowhere. Then I search his bathroom and I found him lying on the floor. His lips were partly burn. There was a bottle of strong acid which is used to clean bathroom in his hand. He was barely breathing. I didn't know what to do and ran toward him to take his head on my lap. He stared to me and mouthed something which was something like 'I love you' and then he closed his eyes again.

"Kai wake up. Please wake up." Tear were running down my eyes uncontrollably. At last I yell **"grandpa**, **someone please help**. Oh god what kai has done?"

**ok, hat was not the ending so hang on with me.**


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